Limping along

 My life is a lot about relationships…listening, praying, counseling, teaching, checking in, studying (in order to teach).  The other part is the task oriented piece of keeping our house in order and managing our finances.  (I make it sound like I should say words like portfolio and fiscal.) For those of you who do not know, I have been pursuing avenues of discipleship with young women on UT’s campus.  I am praying about and exploring the possibility of forming a ministry (not in stone, yet).  I would like to equip other women to pour in solidly to younger women who continue the process.  I am attempting to work on a curriculum, however loose it is right now, to point women toward living in Christ by knowing him through clinging to his word.  There is such a lack of true discipleship…I see people blown by the winds of circumstance and false teaching when we have his Truth to guide us.  Though, most in the church do not know it (His word) or know what to do with it.  The only constant we have is Christ…our solid rock. All of this to say, I have a million thoughts of shoulds in my mind a minute.  In the moments I am not meeting with people and having intense conversations, I think, “I should work on a lesson of the curriculum…I should call person x to set up a meeting…I should mop my grimy kitchen floor.”  (Might I add that the floor is always last–who has a white floor with a Boxer puppy and a bald back yard?  Yes, only the Pinkners…)   This week is spring break for UT–it has come at a good time.  I find myself without a lot of words and at the end of my patience rope.  I have a weary exhaustion inside.  There are a lot of things to do, but my body feels like it will only go half speed.  I thought our nights would be slower this week, but they are full.  However, it has been good to sit with Him in the morning and read of Christ’s life his last week before his death and examine my heart in the light of his scripture.   I reflect this morning about all the times Jesus pulled away to be with His Father.  We all need times of Sabbath rest where we are reminded that He is our all sufficient one.  Within myself, I have no wise answers or perfect responses or even love to give anyone…it all comes from Him who is making me like Jesus.  I am humbled that I desperately need Him.  My body tells me that. My quick, terse tongue tells me that, and the grimy floor tells me that.