This has been a hard season for our family. We know in our minds that God is faithful, but sometimes we get weary in the day in day out heart life. When pain is present for Greg everyday, we can begin to frame what our life will be like with our present reality instead of our future hope.
After posting last week about going forward in the discipleship ministry, God has encouraged me in very specific ways. He has worked financially, given opportunities for conversation and for writing. I am reminded that his faithfulness stretches to EVERY area of our lives. We are in His hands–physically, emotionally, financially, mentally. Greg and I thank Him and praise Him that He holds us. We choose to believe and cling to Him even in the midst of pain and seeming uncertainty about the future. We remember His faithfulness in the past and to His people.
On Saturday, I experienced refreshing time with God and His word. In Psalm 139, I was reminded that all the days ordained for me were written in His book before time began. Nothing is out of His hands. Psalm 139:9 remarks that if i dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there His hand shall lead me and His right hand shall hold me. If you were to ask me what the scariest thing I could think of would be, it would be being in the middle of the ocean in the dark of night by myself. Life right now feels a bit unknown and like a freefall. Everything we had assumed would be in our future is uncertain now. (Which is really true for all of us at any point, but we do not accept that we do not have this control of our lives.) There has been a knawing anxiety in the corners of my mind. Being in Psalm 139, I was reminded that we are in His hand–He is guiding us, caring for us, and making us more like Him through it all.
It is funny how we can tend to look to other’s lives and think, “why do we not have or experience what they have?” Whether it is good health or a baby or financial wealth or ‘happiness’ or a husband or status, etc. The days ordained for me and Greg look different than the ones for our friends or others. The days are for the specific purpose of making us more like Him–our sanctification. Through those days, we will know and are knowing Him more deeply. To trust Him, I must rest in that and not look to the right or to the left.
It is so easy to look at someone else’s life and assume things about them and wish our lives looked the same. What we forget is that life is hard and we all have our struggles. Sunday morning, I walked in the bathroom at church, and witnessed the sight of a very young mother changing a poopy diaper of a screaming, yet cute, little boy. I was thinking of what I was praying about and studying about the day before. This girl was the mother of a beautiful boy (what some people desire to have most in this world) and all I could think of was this was ordained for her sanctification (and she probably wanted to run out and escape that moment) while for another’s sanctification it is ordained to struggle with infertility. Both are hard, in both, we are called to know Him and trust Him. This example stretches to all areas of life and circumstance.
Monday, I spoke with my friend who is a new mom. I shared with her what I had been learning and praying about, and it resonated with her. She has a beautiful baby who is growing and doing well. She is experiencing the reality of life with a new baby. The fun and gloss of showers and setting up the nursery is over, and theory has become reality. She, in the midst of monotony and isolation and learning to die to herself to give to another, is learning to trust and is being transformed to be more like Christ. It is a painful yet beautiful process to be molded. Greg and I are being molded into His likeness in a different way. And, in friendship, we bear together and pray for one another and praise God.
All of this to say, I choose today to cling to His heart and His purposes. I pray for strength, and I pray for a heart to encourage and love my husband and trust the Father in the midst of hard days. I thank Him for His presence in our lives, and I thank Him for giving us tangible encouragements this week of His provision.