Since I became a Pinkner, my Cox sleep genes have been replaced. I had the spiritual gift of sleep at any time and any place, and now if I “sleep through the night” without having several bouts of waking times in the middle of the night, I celebrate. Greg has always had a hard time sleeping–and that is why I blame him.
Isn’t everything that much more severe in the middle of the night? The thought about paying a bill becomes a life and death struggle at 3 am versus the regular fleeting “to do” at 9 am.
In the last six months or more, I have had haunting thoughts about eternity and evangelism as I lay there in the middle of the night. It is like all the layers of what I think is important are stripped away and I realize how much like this world I really am. I have been ruminating over Paul’s life and writings–the urgency of the gospel in all things. And, I ask the question at 1, 2 and 3 am–Am I squandering my life away on piddly things? If I really treasured Christ above all, wouldn’t I share the truth of Christ consistently with the person checking me out at Wal-Mart? Wouldn’t I say the hard things to my family members to exalt Christ and love them without thought for the cost? Wouldn’t I watch less T.V.? Wouldn’t I speak and invest in my neighbors instead of protecting myself and waving hello from afar?
I have been reading Foxes Book of Martyrs intermittently this month, and I am speechless as I look at the boldness with which our brothers and sisters lived. I need to be awakened in the middle of the night to pray…to be convicted…to see Christ’s mercy towards me when I choose self-protection above exalting Him.
Life in Christ amidst this culture is such a battle. I want to grow in holiness and live to exalt Him and only Him, and sometimes I cannot even differentiate how different I am supposed to be. An alien, stranger…not of this world am I, yet, is that who I am?
I am thankful for being haunted with these thoughts because they shake me awake in the slumber I can get caught in in daylight. Oh, that less of me and more of Him be in me. May my fear melt the more I know Christ.
When you see me live more like the world…call me out to holiness, to boldness, to the One and Only thing that is important!