So, it has been awhile since I have written a post. This last week and a half has been filled with struggles, thoughts, joys, exhaustion, friends, ministry, etc, etc.
Daniel’s funeral was very sobering for me. It was surreal to see so many friends from college in such a hard setting. We all loved Daniel, and many had the opportunity to do life with him in Nashville over these past years after college. We celebrated his life and the hope of the gospel together. Please continue to pray for his family and dear friends–pray that in the pain and rawness of loss that they cling to their hope, Christ.
Human emotions and processing are crazy. At the funeral I was pretty calm and did not express much emotion, but the day after, I was numb and overcome at the same time. That grief was also a catalyst for the other stressors and sadness in my life. I hit a wall for several days, and I did not have words to post. Sometimes I realize the craziness of the last eight months of life–Greg’s diagnosis of RA (learning to love him, care for him and cope with a different trajectory), starting a non-profit ministry (all the continued leading, fundraising, writing, meetings), struggling with getting pregnant, and trying to balance loving those well in my life, etc. Many times, I do not have time to think about the realities of all of these things, but at times I see myself emotionally drained when I am running without fuel at times. These are small things on the whole of what people deal with in life, but I have been rendered tired and ineffective for a few days.
Yet I am reminded of God’s sovereignty in all of these things…all of them are to bring good–making me more like Christ and knowing him more. All of them are bigger than my comfort. It is so easy to look to the left and right and compare with others instead of trusting God. EVERYDAY I must bring my mind and heart under his truth–being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). Otherwise, I live for much less than I was created and redeemed to live. I trash the treasure that life in Christ is–and I have to be reminded that he died for my forgetting, for my treasuring other things over him. He is SO good. The fact he gives me life and relationship to call him Father is more than I can grasp, and I hate that I so easily forget the beauty of him while worshipping myself as the center of this universe.
Around Daniel’s funeral, a thought was in my heart. Daniel never married or had children…he was 34 years old when he died. Yet, he touched so many people and left such a legacy. I was thinking that he left a legacy that counted for the kingdom. I will go out on a limb and say a greater legacy than having children. He had many spiritual children. Many people go through life about themselves–building their own kingdom. I frame this by saying that there are believers that have children and spiritual children at the same time–some one in the same and some not. The thoughts resonating in my head are to live life well for the gospel–sharing it, cultivating it in people’s lives, loving others in the truth of the gospel, investing well in others for the sake of the gospel. God’s economy is so distinct from the economy of this world. This world says marry, have children, climb the corporate ladder, live for status and comfort. God’s economy rescues us from these lesser treasures to know Him, to live life treasuring Him, and to make Him known. His mercy and love are greater treasures than we can comprehend. I believe Daniel got that and shared it. May my life be about the greatest treasures and not getting tripped up for the momentary “treasures” of this earth (Matthew 6).
To add a random things to catch up…Women’s Discipleship Concepts first fundraiser is this weekend. It is a baby-sitting fundraiser where young adults are volunteering their time to baby-sit for families who will then donate the baby-sitting fee to WDC. Please pray. Doing something for the first time is always a challenge! I also got the privilege of being with my niece Saturday as she chose her wedding dress. I am happy to be serving as her Matron of Honor in May. That is exciting! Oh yeah…and I hope that you take the opportunity to vote–it is a privilege.