A few years ago, my sister, Lynn, gave me a book entitled The Right Words at the Right Time. It is a book that has essays from celebrities in which they describe great advice that they had gotten in their lives. The title of that book came to me yesterday morning as I saw how God had shepherded me so warmly by giving me the right words at the right time this weekend.
On Saturday morning, I had the privilege of attending a conference at Cornerstone Church where Jerry Bridges, one of my favorite writers, spoke. He spoke on the Sovereignty of God, The Goodness of God and the Discipline of God. The messages were steeped in God’s word, and they served as a great reminder to me of my Father’s trustworthiness and faithfulness. Not only did I hear God’s word, but I heard from a man who has lived 79 years and has lived the message he spoke in 3D. He did not merely present theories, but he experienced God’s complete control and goodness in his first wife’s death from cancer, in physical disabilities, and in the ins and outs of everyday life and ministry. The firm gentleness of delivery and the confidence in God’s word was a blessing to sit under. There were no revolutionary new things I learned, but there were firm reminders from my Heavenly Father of His truth and His care for me.
On Sunday morning I awoke to find that I was not pregnant again. Ironically, I smiled. The reminders of truth that were spoken over me the day before rang true in my heart. God is over everything in my life…every single detail. He has purpose in His ways. He is good and has the good of making me more like Him in mind in every turn. I can trust Him more than I can trust my feelings and my “ways” and desires. There is distinct purpose in this time and my struggle with infertility. He is infinitely wiser and truer than any earthly desire I may have. I can look back and see how he is growing me in maturity through this process. Even if there is not a nice wrapped up package of reasons “why” this is happening, I trust the One who sent His son to give us (me) life by living a perfectly righteous life and taking my punishment (bearing God’s wrath) for my selfishness and sinful rebellion against God on the cross. That is the truest and best gift ever. Jesus is my hope and salvation and purpose. There was a sense of freedom to go into worship yesterday morning and be able to trust Him fully and say “You are all that I need,” period. I was thankful His truth lead me to worship Him in joy and not to be wound up pitying myself. It was of Him and not of me. His gospel and work in us is truly our only need.
Does the light of this truth change my desires for a child? No. Does it wipe away my sadness? No. It does redirect my trust and thoughts, though. It does point my heart toward trust in God and not circumstances. It does provide rest in my soul instead of panic. We continue to pray for a child and pray for trust to grow in our hearts in God. We know that a child is not our hope and purpose–God is.
I invite you to listen to these messages to be reminded of the faithfulness of God. This link takes you to the church website. Then click media and seminars and then, Jerry Bridges.