authenticity, God's sovereignty and goodness, grace, infertility, prayer, transformation by truth, trusting God

Lift my eyes

This morning I was awakened by circumstantial disappointment. My first thought–to be to myself and skip the time of fellowship with God. (This is my default when sad–ironically enough). However, I knew the battle would be lost there. So, I came to him truthful, disappointed in the hope I had put in circumstance, and prayed from his word. His truth lifted my eyes above circumstance. I have such small sight…I long for too little. I long for comfort and conformity to the world and self-worship. He brought me to thankfulness…to a view of him that transcends circumstantial wants and fears. I am thankful and amazed that the God of the universe has shown me such grace–and I am convicted that I trust him and hallow him very little.
So today I leave you with the prayer I prayed for myself and others from Ephesians 3:14-21

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father (Daddy), from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith–that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations, forever and ever. Amen”

Oh Daddy, may my first thought not be self (self-pity, self-preservation, self-worth) today. May my first thought be on the fullness of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge…the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord (Phil 3:8). May I rejoice in you–in the fullness of you. May I count ALL things as loss in order to gain Christ and be found in him–without a righteousness from me but him (Phil 3:9). Forgive me for wanting too little–comfort and ease, children, a house of piddly treasures, safe finances, self-importance. Give me a vision for loving you with everything.

4 thoughts on “Lift my eyes”

  1. I think that your prayer is so poignant, and I think it’s pretty amazing, given the events of the day, that you were able to transcend your circumstances and bring your brokenness to your time with the Father. I would say it has served you well today. I need to make my time with Him more important than my busy-ness. Thanks, as always, for you honesty.

  2. Jennifer:
    Although you and I have not really met at church, when I read your blog linked from Jacob’s I just felt compelled to encourage you as you deal with infertility. I also took lots of fertility drugs when we were trying to conceive our kids. It was emotionally draining and honestly took the fun out of trying. There’s nothing like running to the Doctor post coitaly (I don’t know if you have had that pleasure but that is about as public as intimacy gets!) to totally sap joy. We took some time off and actually conceived then. Thankfully, the clomid got my body ovulating on it’s own. I’m not projecting my experience on you I only want you to know in retrospect it was all in God’s time – all about me trusting Him. It was easy for me to believe the Drs and all their projections but believing that God really had my fertility in His hands was much harder. Every month when I knew I was not pregnant – the discouragement would begin as would the attacks on my trust in God. The patient love of our Father and the prayers of those around me allowed me to walk in the not yet. I remember all too well the pain of that time. So I pray my dear sister that the love of God, your friends and Greg are like balm to your soul.

    May God our great physician cause everything in your body to work together to establish a viable pregnancy, delivered at full term and produce a healthy baby. I pray that your mind would be bound to the mind of Christ, your will to His, your feet bound to His path of righteousness, your body bound to the healing accomplished through the blood of Jesus on the cross. I pray that every lie the enemy has been whispering would be loosed and exposed. I pray your heart is filled with great hope.

    Grace and peace –
    Michelle Bickers

    1. Thank you Michelle for your prayers and the sharing of your heart and experience. It helps to know the body is lifting us up.

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