Posted in discipline, God's sovereignty and goodness, infertility, learning boundaries, thankfulness

A blur

This past week has brought a lot of surprises. Our friends, Jacob and Beth Winn, went to the hospital last Monday, had to have an emergency C-section, and had their twins 11 weeks early. It was a scary time for them, and it was a joy to be with them and pray and support. Lilly Claire and Davis are both in the NICU and have wonderful care there. Beth and Jacob are already showing the beauty of Christ through their parenting (however excrutiatingly far they may feel from the sweet ones). Knowing their journey of infertility and now preemies, I know God is doing something bigger than just the circumstance. But, in all of their stress, they need prayer from all of us.
It was not an accident that my last blog post talked about my morning with God last Monday. Only an hour after spending intense time in the word and prayer for my eyes to look beyond myself to his purposes and to serving others, I got the call from Greg that Jacob and Beth were headed to the hospital. Then, soon after, we were there awaiting the twins’ arrival. God certainly provided me an opportunity for the love and care of his people last week. I am thankful that the verses of rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances stuck to my heart that day. If I stayed in the land of me, I would have missed the joy and the pain of others in the day. I would have missed the opportunity to walk in the good works that God had prepared for me.
I now sit in a cloud of thoughts. I have had a hard week emotionally on hormones for infertility (I believe this is the fourth month in a row that I have been on them–and a month before that I was on them). It takes double work to rest in his truth when my mind is in a cloud of thoughts that drag me down. I long to trust Him. I have made a decision to take a month off of hormones next month. I am weary and need a break–a break to simply rest in Him and not count days, take tests and have to deal with the intense mood swings and hot flashes and depressive thoughts. I want to live life today….rejoice, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances. My body and mind need a rest from the hormones to regroup and be refreshed in him. It is hard not to be defined by something such as infertility when the meds you have to take from it so throw a huge challenge to your thinking and emotions. I ask for prayer for my thoughts and my attitudes, etc as I walk out the effect of the rest of this month.
So, I look to this week. I long to trust Him each day taking steps to keep up with life, appointments, cleaning, shopping. I need to clean my tub, do laundry, write letters for WDC, serve my friends, love my husband well, meet with my girls. Life goes on, and God is good and faithful and an ever present help in time of trouble.

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40 year old Married Mom to 2 From Tennessee

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