Oh, the curse of being a woman–comparison. “If I just had her style, her family, her husband, her job, her finances, her mom and dad, her disposition, her body type and metabolism, her freedom, her city…” I could go ON and ON. Why do we torture ourselves? We dare to compare every hour of the day.
Contentedness is a choice and a gift to be guarded. We make excuses and wish our life away to be somebody else while not dealing with who we are made to be and where we are planted. It is funny how the smallest things tip my scale from content to downright crazy with covetousness.
“Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”
Oh, how I have to talk myself down from the ledge with the truth of what REALLY matters. Then, I have to humble myself in the truth to remember that I am not one upping someone else by thinking on things that really matter. That is another form of cancerous comparison. The One we are called to compare ourselves to and follow is Christ. I have to be renewed in the truth of the gospel, in my identity in Him, in my calling for this life, and in the reward of eternity–DAILY.
What is hilarious about women is that we are so self-conscious around each other a lot of times feeling less than or trying to one up that we forget that we are cut out of the same mold. That is, we are all feeling a lot of the same things. Instead of being honest about where we really are, we play the game. We worry about styles and houses, kids and how they are perceived, our husbands and how they are perceived, our choice of staying home or working and how that is perceived, etc. etc. etc. We could actually encourage one another and build each other up in our weakness. YES–everyone around you is struggling with the same concept possibly with a different spin.
I will be vulnerable and tell you one of my struggles. (You are thinking, infertility–duh!) Actually, this is a much more worldly, vain struggle–our house. We live in a 40+ year old house in a plain neighborhood with older people around. It is not historic or flashy. It is in a very convenient location. I am pretty frugal, and I have enjoyed piecing hand me downs and new things together. I probably have a cottage kind of style. I like to paint, so I have a lot of my paintings around. People have described my house as homey. My Mom’s house would probably have that same feel of homey.
When I am at my house, I feel so blessed beyond measure that we can invite people into our home to fellowship, etc. Where I get the discontentment is when I go to other’s houses. Most people I know have newer houses and/or live in “more desirable” neighborhoods. It is easy to get the comparison meter out and think–“I’d be embarrassed to invite them to my house.” I HATE this about myself.
For those who know me, I am a pretty confident person–this is an area of weakness in that confidence. I will admit, it is an area of SIN. I am comparing myself to others, worrying about what they will think about things that really do not matter, and I am being ungrateful to the tremendous blessings God has given us. I forget that I am called to be satisfied in Him alone. This area also impedes my giving and hospitality to others and loving them well. I would tell someone else that they are ridiculous for thinking this–but I think it myself.
I have to preach little sermons to myself about what my calling is–to love others with the love and truth of Christ. In that calling, it does not matter if I am wearing a trash bag or live in a tent. It does not matter if people think my style is cool and complement me.
Girls–we gotta trust Him and remember to bloom where we are sovereignly planted. May I remember today to not trust in houses or personality or circumstances or body type. May I remember to trust in the name of the LORD my God. May I be fulfilled in Him, and may he shake me awake when I start the comparison game all over again!