Wow, this last month and a half has been crazy! I am tired! Tired! Tired! We moved November 18, and I busted my rear to get pictures on the walls and things put away downstairs before Thanksgiving and to get Christmas decorations up after Thanksgiving (upstairs is another story:)) My in-laws came for a surprise visit a week and a half after our move. I promptly got sick with a sinus infection. Jack got sick. I got sick again with the EVIL stomach virus. I did not even start Christmas shopping and planning until a week and a half before Christmas. Then, Jack had surgery –and Greg and I needed valium for the aftermath! Did I mention I was tired?
Now, it is the day after Christmas and all I want to do is rest and reflect. With an almost seven month old, there is not as much built in time for reflection. My motto is that I waited so long for him that I had tons of time beforehand to reflect–I would rather have him than that time! (That time will come again in my life) I am blessed to take care of him and be his mom–no room to complain here. However, in my times of reflection, this is what I have decided this month:
1. Unless God himself moves us somewhere, we ain’t moving anytime soon! When I see a box, I get PTSD. There is still so much to do, but it will have to wait.
2. I was not meant to be a nurse or doctor–I learned that with all the care after Jack’s surgery.
3. Christmas in our culture is ridiculous! Plain ridiculous. We make it so difficult. The problem is our pride and our desire for this world to be our heaven. We want to create this ideal and this experience for kids and families and ourselves. No gift or experience here fulfills our need inside. Remember wanting that certain gift…dreaming about it and then opening it and being unfulfilled? We already want the next thing…
As women, we want to have it all together–cooking and making and buying and performing and throwing parties and mailing the perfect Christmas card. This season, I just wanted to scream, “Stop!” We are so noisy in our hearts we forget that this season is about worshipping the One who brought Peace with God in our hearts. We blow Him off because we are trying to prove that we are happy and can make ourselves satisfied with the things of this world. By the way, we cannot.
Oh the joy of letting go of all these “have to’s” and embracing Jesus and who He really is and what He came to do in our hearts. My problem is if I want to simplify that means I will probably disappoint those who have not chosen to simplify. Instead of being in a race at Christmas, I want to rest in Him and enjoy those around me.
As I think of Christmases to come, I have the opportunity and responsibility to shape how Jack views Christmas. Greg and I are the ones who teach him what this is all about. We have to plan now or we will be swept with the tide of this culture. Nothing here–no celebration, holiday, vacation, wedding, baby, party, house, relationship will satisfy us in our depths. It is a reminder that Jesus is the one who satisfies and that Heaven and the New Earth are where all things satisfy. Every disappointment or longing here is meant to point us there. I don’t want to work to fulfill Jack here…I want to tell Him and point out to Him where Hope comes from.
There are small joys here and glimpses of that eternal joy, but it will not be found in giving him $100s-$1000s of dollars worth of presents that put us in debt or giving him perfect experiences. It is so easy to get caught up in this rat race. Oh that my heart continually be found in Christ.