Here’s the deal–I stay tired these days. I remain in a state of need, scratching my head for how to live. This parenting thing is way out of my league, and I am just in the pee-wee leagues! I look around at the painful, scary places I see people wading through around me, and I am broken and at a loss for how to wade in with them.
If I could share the prayer list I just put together for people around me this week (it’s not the “bless me with a good day and a car” kind of list), you would see a theme. There are lives hanging in the balance–babies, 30 somethings, elementary students, teenagers, older adults. A list of people fighting for physical life and spiritual life and grieving like they never knew possible is written neatly on the side of my planner. This list puts things in perspective, and most of the time, it is the easiest to ignore that perspective.
I am a feeler–God created me with mercy in my bones. The weight of need in my family and friends is crushing me. It is a picture that in EVERY area of my existence I NEED GOD. My flesh says, “You cannot deal with this–put it out of your head and find a way to cope and numb–run after things you can control (ha!).” God calls to my heart, “Call to me–you are meant to need Me.” Truthfully, I teeter between these two realities. I can forget who I am. I can forget Who has called me and loved me from before the foundation of the world. I can forget Who has lavished His grace upon me and sealed me with the Spirit. I forget that He is doing me good by putting me in places of need–stretching me, growing me, teaching me, loving me, parenting me.
My greatest place of need right now is wisdom and endurance in parenting. Greg and I try to keep the long road to adulthood always on the horizon as we make parenting decisions, but we also know that TODAY’s actions and decisions make up that horizon. This morning, through Ephesians 1, I was reminded that I am His. I don’t have a grand plan, but He does. I don’t have wisdom, but He does. I don’t have the endurance and love to follow through, but He does. He has given me everything I need for life and godliness–Himself. So, what does this mean for today? I need to stop wringing my hands and scratching my head on my own and ask for help from the ONE who is the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth. I need to do what I know He has set before me for today and entrust the outcome to Him. This entrusting of my heart and circumstances is the greatest gift I could give to my sons for it is the path to Life.
Those of you who are on my prayer list, I am entrusting you to Him. We are in this together–messy, nearsighted, fumbling. However, our hope is in our Adopted Father who is doing so much more than we can ask or imagine.