The question that stared back at me from my devotional…”who do you think you are?”
Seriously…I sat down and started writing. I encourage you to, as well.
At 18 I was the most sure of who I was, and I am not that girl anymore. That is healthy and good, and that is NOT my work inside of me. My ideas and plans about life encumber (impedes/hampers the function or activity of) my identity. God gradually shepherds me to freedom by dismantling my efforts and thoughts. Truly.
This has been a season of stripping me of my coping mechanisms and thoughts. There are pieces of me that I cannot put together. It feels unnerving and right all at the same time.
So, back to “who do I think I am?”
I’m Jen, a girl who is held and rescued by God.
I’m fickle at heart, but He continues to gently shepherd me to be more like Him.
I cannot charm or succeed on my own. I used to think I could, but I do not want to now.
I have glimpses of my Father’s creativity and, at my best, glimpses of His relational presence.
I have had and have different roles in my life–leader, wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, school counselor, pastor’s daughter, pastor’s wife, momma to two boys, business owner, struggler with fertility, starter of a non-profit, disciple-maker, serial dater, avoider of conflict. These are not who I am, but they help shape me by dismantling my own agenda.
I am a new creation with a softened heart of flesh that is learning and yearning everyday.
Because of Jesus’ work on the Cross, I am holy, beloved, righteous. I am not my own, and that is sooooo good.
I struggle and don’t have pure desires. I seek my own way, but that does not define me. He does.
I have freedom in Jesus to look at the areas where I completely seek my own way–not trusting Him. I can be honest, repentant, and broken, and forsake those places with the Holy Spirit’s power.
I have hope of new mercies (not getting what I deserve) every morning.
I don’t have to hide or pretend. I am not perfect, but I am His. He is faithful to complete the work in me throughout my lifetime.
I have gifts to add to the world–humor, creativity, global ideas, encouragement…and gifts that I need from others to flourish. I am not made to do this alone.
I used to think that having it all together, looking strong, and impressing others was the key to life. That is just not true. See, we are created to need others–and that includes God. Even if we were perfect, we would need others. What God brings year after year to my life is humility that “I don’t got this.” And, little by little, I am learning to embrace that. There is freedom, life, and joy there.
I encourage you today to take stock of who you are. That may feel like a scary thought…and actually it is. But, do we run from scary thoughts or do we face them in courage? I want to know who you are becoming. Will you share with me?