Things are always clearer in retrospect. I understand more about my childhood and young adulthood now, and one of the clear things is that I have always bent toward depression. There have been times circumstantially and hormonally that have tipped me deeper. Those times included a season of young adulthood, post partum with my oldest son and these past two years culminating in January of 2022. Darkness settled in a way I had never experienced it, and it felt as if I would never get out.
I uttered a prayer for freedom and joy to be restored at our first worship service of the new year in January. The next two months were filled with wrestling, tears, anger, sadness, struggle, growth. As I was walking out this journey inwardly and outwardly, I prayed “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” That psalm was what I had–looking to His character and His presence and His power. As I journeyed, this painting came—so much darkness but the Hope of His light twinkling “out there.” It was an outworking of my inner life.
I said goodbye to this painting last week for someone who needs Hope on their journey through darkness. What a privilege to be used–for the ultimate Creator to give me a vision to be passed on to another. Nothing is wasted.